i'm dreaming of a white Christmas

i didnt realize how long it had been since i lsat blogged. is blogged a word? whatever.

im not even sure what to write about. but alot has happened since i last wrote. im working at virgin and LOVING it. alot alot. like more than any job. "more than nannying aka getting paid to watch tv?" yup. "more than getting paid to work with 12 little 3, 4, and 5 year olds?" yup. those were jobs, but they didnt feel like jobs. this is actually a job that feels like a job and i actually like it. everyone i work with is awesome. the customers are really great (for the most part). and another plus is that atleast one 'celebrity' comes in every single time i work. yes. every single time. sometimes it will be towards the end of a shift and i will recall that no one has come in, and 5 minutes before closing, dane cook, or someone else but yes, he did come in, will come in and help me stay true to my statement. i think dande cook was the biggest one. also kelly from the office, ken marino (no one knows him but he is in one of my favorite movies wet hot american summer), ethan embry and others that no one will know who i am talking about. either way, i love it. i love this job and i dont want to quit. ever.

my roommates and i had a little christmas photoshoot. we've been wanting a tree for awhile then finally realized we're too poor. except michelle. she's making bank. so she decided to buy one. FINE BY ME.


NICOLE AND I


ME AND JORDYN


ROOMIES


NICOLE AND I


and then there's this.



since you can't see my face right now, ill just tell you.
there's a GINORMOUS smile across it.

day off today.
work tomorrow.
day off/cleaning thursday.
work friday morning.
family here friday night!
disneyland saturday!

im excited for the next 2 weeks.

home sweet home?

this week was pretty rad.

i had orientation on sunday night at Virgin Megastore. weird people i trained with. but the trainer was really cool. so i was excited. the schedule wasnt ready yet so i said peace out LA and left monday morning to go back to san jose.

i arrived around 3, showered, and hung out for a bit. then my mom cooked me some her delicious homemade chili. yum. brooke came over around 7 and then betsy came over around 8. we hung out and chatted for a bit and then brooke and i saw Dan In Real Life around 10. it was really good. and the soundtrack is amazing as well.

tuesday i got up around 8 and stacy made me waffles for breakfast. they were perfect. then i went to get my car looked at to see how much it would cost to get the dent fixed...oh yeah, i got in a fender bender last week. oops! anyways, it was too much so i'll have to wait until im rich to get it fixed. after that, i met up with ashley and matty and we went to Sweet Peas then to Best Buy so ash could buy Hairspray, then we went to ash's house to watch Hairspray. I then met up with shannon and we went to Icing on the Cake to get some treats. After that, my mom and i went to Holly and Betsy's and they made us Lasagna. then i went to their small group to saw hi to the Garcia's. after that i met up with Greta and we went out to coffee and got to catch up.

Wednesday morning i went in early to my dads work to help with some filing and Christmas wrapping to make some extra $$$. then i had a dentist appt and then got my haircut after that. feels so good...my hair, that is. then i went over to the guys apartment cuz they made their own thanksgiving dinner and hung out with them and lindsay for a little while. then we headed to ashley's to hang out and dance. after awhile, lindsay, matty and i went to john caine's house to say hi to the boys and that was fun.

thursday was thanksgiving and my parents and i went to my dads brothers house in cupertino. it was weird not having my brother there. i thought it was going to be horrible since its the 2 of us and one other cousin. but my cousin had 2 friends from college so it was good having more young people there. then we got home and watched Premonition. it was good, until the end where the didnt really end it. i dont really know what happened.

friday morning my mom and i went shopping...yes, i know, we went shopping on Black Friday. but it really wasnt that bad. she bought me some jeans and a few other things. ashley came over around 2 and we went to get coffee downtown willow glen. brooke met up with us a little later and we walked around wg taking pictures with brookes new camera. then ash left and brooke and i went to her house to get some music for me. then we drove to los gatos to take pictures by the giant gap ad of john krasinski. yum!! we then headed to downtown san jo, took some more pics and then went to La Victoria and got some nachos...YES! betsy and holly met us there and then we went back to my parents apt.

then it was party time. it was just a lot of hanging out and smore making. much fun. here's the guest list.

brooke
betsy
holly
the allens
stacy
robbie
lindsay
matty
ashley
drew
jeff
shannon
craig
my parents of course
john renfro
tony and some girl
alex woodrow
and a bunch of farm drive kids.

it was really fun getting to hang out with pretty much everyone i wanted to see all week long. i left saturday morning, got home around 2:30 and then went to work at virgin. my first day, it was pretty cool. i was the only female working and there's pretty much only about 3 other girls who work there and one is my roommate. it was 7 hours but it went by pretty quickly and its pretty fun too. everyone is really nice and even the customers were pretty cool too.

i havent written a blog entry like this in a while. one where its more like a "dear diary" scenario. but i felt like it. my roommate and i are sitting in the cyber cafe at our apt building because the internet we've been stealing in our room isnt working today. and the internet we pay for only works on little T's computer so we aint paying that extra $6. so yeah. we're both blogging. good times.


"Pictures only prove what you can't convince"....

i'm doin' everything for you

...And I just smile and say whooooaaaa
Cause you just got to know
That every time you stay
It never goes away
Your reach is to the stars
And shines like the clouds and lights up this whole world

Bless your heart you’ve made me happy again
It’s been so long and I’m sick of pretending
You’ve enlighted the brain in my head
So stay
I’m going to do everything
I’m gonna make it right
I’m gonna make it good
I’m gonna do it alright
I’m gonna write it down
I’m gonna make a sound

Cause I’m doing everything for you
Because I love to be near you
Something just takes me away to place where I’m happy
I’m doing everything for you
Yeah you know that I adore you
And I just can’t take it

kiss me beneath the milky twilight

life couldnt get better.
ok. it could.
my friends and family could be here.
but other than that, its all good.

ive never felt so good about who i am. who know a few kind words could really boost someones confidence. but it has. oh boy has it!
not only that, i finally got a job and they seemed really excited to hire me. they said they really liked me. i had beeen so frustrated (something i rarely am) and was beginning to get really down on myself. i was really doubting my choices and constantly wondering why people werent hiring me and it was definitely doing a number on my self esteem. and ok yeah, only one place hired me (technically 2 but i dont wanna get into that) but one is definitely better than none!

man. im just feeling good.
now all i need is some friends and a great church.
ill keep you updated on those.

update

its been a really long time since i've posted but i dont really know what to say! all i have been doing since i've been living here is job hunting. and thats pretty much. of course ive been hanging out with friends and my roommates but thats about all. its been fun, but im getting frustrated with not having any money. ugh. so tomorrow i plan on going out to a ton of restaraunts and trying to get a job as a waitress or hostess. hopefully something will pull through. and in the meantime, i will continue my search for a nanny position and hope something comes along.

i thought it would be alot easier to find a nanny job so i just kept putting off getting something else. im just not used to this. i am usually handed jobs. im not being conceited or anything, ive just been really lucky with finding work and they always seem to just fall in my lap or come along easily. so this is new to me. and i really dont like it. and i really dont like rejection. i have interviewed with a ton of people, and have only recieved 2 "second" interviews and none of them have worked out. i either hear nothing, or they tell me they went with someone who had more experience. but i cant get more experience if no one will hire me!! ugh. its so frustrating.

but i love living in LA. i also hate it. haha. i wish i had more friends but i know i will at some point. i totally get why people hate LA. its ridiculous here. but i still love it too. it doesnt make sense to most people, but it does to me. anywho, i love living so close to lindsay and getting to hang out with her alot. i love being close to disneyland (even though i havent even been there yet). i love...so many things i cant even explain. i dont even know. i just love it!

ive also been thinking about going back to school. i know, weird huh? but ive been thinking of either becoming a teacher or a high school guidance counselor. random right. well, the teacher thing makes sense if you know me. i'd teach 3rd grade. or maybe 2nd. they were just such fun grades and ages and i would really love it. i was watching a show on dvd and one of the characters went to his guidance counselor and it kind of turned on a lightbulb for me. i used to want to be a therapist, but knew i could never do all those years in college (atleast not now). but then i saw this and thought i could prob do that. people tell me im a really good listener and i give great advice so i think i could do it. who knows. maybe when im older i'll be more motivated. we shall see!

i always seem to start these posts not knowing what im going to say and then end up rambling on and on. so yeah. thats all for now.

Celebrity Sightings

it's kind of funny, but after being here a little over a week, seeing celebrities is not a very big deal anymore. Okay, so i have not seen anyone huge yet, but still, it's just kind of like, whatever. Theyre just people like you and I. I know there are a few people i will probably freak out about if i ever see them, but so far, its no big. Anyways, I thought i would just post some. Most people probably dont even know these people, but i am an entertainment junkie, so i know alot. haha.

last saturday night, i hung out with my cousins and a bunch of their friends who all grew up in Portland together. And one of them was Michael Cassidy. He played a character named Zach on The OC. He was also in a movie called Zoom with Tim Allen (but i never saw it).



i went to a church on sunday, and as i was leaving, i just glanced over and saw this guy that looked super familiar. I could not for the life of me figure out what i had seen him in. Finally, about 15 hours later, it hit me. He was on the movie Bring It On as well as the movie Miracle (about the american hockey team).


(he's the one on the left in the yellow)

monday night i went to Korea town with a friend and had these amazing tea drinks. We were the only white people in the place until a white couple walked in and i immeadiately recognized the guy as "Chili" from the popular tv show, The O.C. (yeah, thats my 2nd OC sighting). He was also on a movie called Raise Your Voice.



so that's all....for now. i'll keep adding onto it when i see more.

Mary Poppins

this is one of my favorite movies. okay, i know what you are thinking..."jessica is a nanny, mary poppins is a nanny", ok so its true. but thats not the only reason i love this movie. its just amazing and i think you all know that. anyways, because i have not really been doing much lately (besides looking for a job, of course), i have been watching alot of movies. Today, its Mary Poppins. And i forgot how funny this one scene is. It's where Uncle Albert is laughing so much he floats on the ceiling and bert, jane and michael all join him and they tell jokes and honestly, some of these jokes are HILARIOUS.

a new beginning

well i have been living in Los Angeles, CA for about 5 days now...and i couldnt be happier. I will admit, it was hard at first, but time heals all wounds and boy is that correct! i got to hang out with my cousins whom i havent seen in YEARS and it was so much fun. I hung out with my roommate one night, and hung out with some good friends who live in the area. its been really fun getting to hang out with people i love who i normally dont get to hang out with but now that we live closer, i will. of course i miss all my friends in san jose, but this change has been long overdue and its just been really good for me. i feel like i can totally start over and be whomever i want to be. i am not going to change for anyone, so dont worry about that. and i feel as though i am already really happy with who i am, but there are some things i would like to change and now i feel as though i can. i have grown acustom to a "i dont care what others think" complex and i really enjoy that. if people dont like me, thats their loss. and if someone wants to make fun of me for the way i am, let them. they obviously dont deserve to be my friend. i know what true friends are all about and i believe i can tell which ones are which.

i am blessed with awesome people in my life. even though many people are sad that i moved, they all know its for the best and that this is something i had to do. i know they are truly happy for me and i know i have their prayers and thats all that truly matters to me. so many people have told me how proud they are of me and that really means the world to me. it has been such a blessing to have so many awesome people in my life and i really couldnt be happier.

as of now, our lease is for 6 months and i kind of already have someone to move out with when this lease is up and i really hope it works out. i told people that in 6 months is when i will decide to stay or go back to san jose, but im not sure thats true anymore. my friend who lives here (he moved from NY) said it took him 2 years to realize he wanted to stay in LA. he even moved back to NY for about a month and thats when he realized he loved living in LA. the same could be true for me, but i dont know. we'll just have to wait and see. its only been 5 days but so far so good.

i have an interview at a nanny agency tomorrow morning and i am really excited and really praying that they can give me a job asap so i'll have an income quickly. but we'll see! it's all in God's hands and i know whatever happens, happens and its all part of His plan.

also i just found out there is a church that meets sunday nights right across the street from me so that would be super nice if its cool. i looked outside when i was here this sunday night and it seemed like there was alot of younger people so hopefully it'll work out. otherwise, i know of a few other churches i can look into.

well i guess that's all for now! i'm heading off to target with my roommates to buy some decorations for our apt so im excited to hang out with them

love
jess

Los Angeles, CA

well it's finally happening...i'm moving to Los Angeles!! i am very excited. i am not going to school, i am mot moving for friends (although, i am excited to be closer to some people), i am not going to be an actress...I am going because I want to. I have always loved LA and always wanted to live there, so i am doing it. who knows how long it will last, but i need to try it. and if i dont try it now, i dont know if i ever will. i will miss many many people in san jose, but i will keep in close contact. no worries.

anyways, moving day is september 21st and i couldnt be more excited. i am sharing the apartment with 4 other girls, yes 4. and they are all great girls and i cant wait to get to know them even more. it's 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1038 sqft.

here's a link to the apartment complex...
http://www.avaloncommunities.com/avaloncore/nfloor.asp?comm=297

and here are some pictures i took when i saw the place the other day.

view of the building from across the street


ours is on the 4th floor, right there in the middle


when you open the front door, this is what you see


take a few steps and turn around, here's the kitchen


living room/kitchen


when you walk in the front door, turn left, and there's the bathroom


pivot right, there's the tub and the hallway to my room



on the left side at the end of the hallway is my walk-in closet


my room


the balcony


standing on the balcony, look right and you see


look left and see


look straight and see (old theater and burger king)


stephanie, michelle, and britt's room (that's michelle in the picture)

crushes

anyone else see a theme?

let it die

recently i have been coming to my blog thinking i need to write something. but everytime i do, nothing happens. i have lots to say. lots. but for some reason, i dont wanna write it. i think its because some of the things i want to say, i have admitted them to myself and to others, but if i write it, its more official....no. i dont think thats it. its hard to explain. i just dont want to deal with "it" anymore. what i am "going through" has consumed my thougts for the past week and its tiring. i am worn out from worrying....not worrying, just thinking. and jumping to conclusions. and wondering. so i just dont want to deal with it anymore, but i know the only way it will end is for something to happen, and i cant do it. i cant give in to it. i dont want to give in to it. its not my responsibility. its yours. make it happen. do something. let me know.

"time passes by while i wait for your call. time passes by i hear nothing it all."

i am tired of waiting.
of wanting.
of wondering.
i am tired of falling asleep to thoughts of you.
of waking up and thinking of you.
i am tired of listening to depressing music to help me cope.
of watching sad movies to make me realize i dont have it that bad.
i am tired of crying.
not even crying.
"tears form behind my eyes, but i do not cry"
i am just tired.

i started this post off saying "i dont wanna write it". and look what happened. although, its a lot less than i wanted to write.

i hate being this depressing person. so no more. i am done. i am moving on. i am happy. my friends have made this summer so great. i am just going through a transitional phrase right now and its hard to deal, but i am learning how to deal...

"You have to learn to walk. You have to learn to talk. You have to wear that totally ridiculous hat your grandma bought you. You have no say in the matter. And when you get a little older, even though you get to choose your hats, you don't get to choose what they put in those meatballs in the cafeteria, or when to fall in love. Sometimes things happens and you just have to deal."



***if you are severely confused by this post, i am sorry. this was mainly just for me to write. if you wanna understand, get in touch with me and maybe i'll fill you in.

Top 5 Bands

My brother did a post with his top 5 favorite bands and told his friends to do the same. So i thought i'd give it a try. At first, i could really only think of 2. but then i started going through my music and realized i am going to have a harder time than i thought. And in most of these posts, i write something about their live show. thats because i really base a band by their live performances. if you cant capture a crowds attention and keep it, you have no reason to be on stage.

QUEEN
Of course my first always has been and always will be Queen. These guys are all pure geniuses and i wish Freddie Mercury was still alive so i could see him live. Yeah, they still tour but if i wanted to see Chuck Norris (apparently his stage name is Paul Rodgers) live, i'd just watch an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. ok, i admit it, he's a good singer. i just dont think anyone can ever replace Freddie Mercury. whatever. my opinion.




DEAR AND THE HEADLIGHTS
this band is brilliant. Lindsay introduced them to me in decmeber and their cd came out in february and i have not stopped listening since. When i first heard them i thought the music was so unique and brilliant. then i read the lyrics and was blown away by how amazing they were. it made me wanna be a writer. I am seeing them for the first time August 30th and i am more excited for this concert than i have been for any concert ever. seriously. no joke.



BUTCH WALKER
this man is pure genius. he has produced cds for some top selling artists and also has a solo career. some of the stuff he's produced (lindsay lohan), i'm not too sure about. but this man is so passionate about his music. i have seen him live 3 times and everytime i swear to you i almost cry because i can just feel everything he says. he is also one of the nicest guys ever and i am seeing him again in september and i think i might pee my pants.



DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE/THE POSTAL SERVICE
i put these 2 together because Ben Gibbard does them both and that man is great. i dont even really know what to say here. words arent coming to me to describe these bands. i saw DCFC a few years back and i was blown away by them.



RUFUS WAINWRIGHT
I'm not sure if i can write anything here that will really do him justice. i just love him. he's a genius. and after finding this video, i am thinking i need to break my bank account and go see him in concert next saturday. anyone wanna join?





well there's 5. but if it was my top 15 favorite, this would be the other 10.

The Format
The Rocket Summer
Ray Lamontagne
Feist
Rachael Yamagata
Ryan Adams
Damien Rice
A Fine Frenzy
Mates of State
and of course, Michael Jackson


YOUR TURN!!

I'm trying not to think about you

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine

I never wanna see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye my almost lover
Goodbye my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should have known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

one year now since i met you

i had one of the best weekends of my life this time last year. We "met" the Wisconsin boys in Ivory through myspace in November of 2005 and we had all been talking through aim and myspace messages and became great friends. they finally went on a nation-wide tour and came to California last july for the first time and we spent 3 amazing days together, hanging out and having so much fun. we started in san francisco and ended up in anaheim and west hollywood and got to be their merch girls and just hang out and do whatever and it was so much fun.

it is weird thinking back on how we initially met and how so much has changed with all of us in the last (almost) 2 years and how i still talk to all of them (not really dan, except i do talk to his girlfriend Amy). It is just great to have people in my life that are just great guys and i know whenever they make it out here again (or maybe i'll someday make it out there), it will be just as fun, if not more, and, i hope, it will be just like we havent missed a beat.

with all the new people in my life, it is crazy to think of what it would have been like if they were in my life sooner and if we would have been friends. i talked to Holly yesterday and this is the "anniversary" of when her and her ex broke up, and then its this anniversary for me so i thought that was cool. Then we got to talking about "what if we knew eachother at that time?". She admitted that i probably would not have wanted to be her friend because she went a little crazy because of everything going on in her life. who really knows? all i know is that God's timing is perfect.

I have been a little more hesitant about moving to LA because of my new amazing friends. I will miss them so much. When i first decided to move with jessssssica, we both wanted to move to get out of the bay because we were both sick of it. then we parted ways, and that kind of made me want to move more. to start over and make new friends and i felt as though there was nothing keeping me in san jose. but then i really started growing closer to stacy ernst and all my small group and i knew it would be hard to leave them. then i met, well, i knew brooke, but i met holly and betsy and "re-started" my friendship with brooke, and i havent stopped hanging out with them for almost a month know and i couldnt ask for better friends. plus Greta is here (in the bay) permanently now that she is done with school and lindsay and i are hanging out alot too. they are the reasons i would want to stay in san jose and they made me really start doubting whether or not i would move. not by telling me i shouldnt because they all know and believe that this is what i need, but their friendships are all so great. i know we will still be friends when i am gone, but it will be so different.

i thought about it more, and i would like to say i prayed about it alot, but i cant lie, i havent prayed about it much at all. i do constantly say/think "whatever God's will is, is what i will do" and i guess thats sort of a prayer because i am admitting to myself and others that my life is in His hands, but i still need to pray more. anyways, i realized that i need to do this. i need to live away and on my own. it may not be permanent but it needs to be done. i have already made plans with roommates and it would be very unlike me to bail. i am so excited to live in Southern California and who knows what God will do in my life and where i will be this time next summer.

i often think back to last summer and even just a few months ago and i try and remember how i was thinking my life would be at this time now. back then, i was planning on being in LA already. i would be living with jericha and jesssssssssssica and i would have a job by now and hopefully some new friends. its crazy to see how much can change in just a short while. and i know it all happened for a reason. If i had already been in LA and i would not know Holly, Betsy and Brooke and its sad to think of how much i would have been missing out on great friendships.

who knows where i will be at this time next year. God does and thats all that matters. my dad taught in college group this morning and my mom "ditto'd" him saying if God opens a door for you, you walk through it. period. if along the way He shuts a door, then you stop. dont try and break it down. He'll open another door. and for this moving out situation, as of right now, the door is wide open and i need to take a huge leap through it and i am so ready and willing to and i cant wait to see what He does in my life when i am down there.

my summer so far

LINDSAY AND I AT GOOSETOWN

GRETA AND I @ CLUB RODEO


KATIE AND I @ CLUB RODEO


HOLLY, BROOKE AND I PLAYING WITH PHOTOBOOTH


TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL

BETSY, ME AND HOLLY AT CHEESECAKE FACTORY WITH OUR DRINKS

BETSY AND I DRINKING LONGBOARDS AT THE BEACH

HOLLY AND I

BROOKE AND I WEAR FAKE GLASSES

BROOKE, ME, HOLLY AND BETSY IN SANTA CRUZ FOR JULY 4TH

SHANNON AND I ON OUR DAY OF FREEDOM

BROOKE, BETSY AND I IN SANTANA ROW

ME AND HOLLY

THE LADIES IN SANTANA ROW

BRENT AND SARAH GOT MARRIED!

SHANNON, BROOKE AND I HAD FUN AT THE WEDDING