to want (verb) to feel a need or a desire for

my emotions have been on a rollercoaster lately.
but things have settled so hopefully i can calm down.

my parents are in New Orleans again helping with Hurrican Katrina stuff. I miss them. I really look up to them too. I dont tell them that enough. this is the 2nd time they have gone to Loiusianna to help clean up houses. They also went to Thailand to help with Tsunami relief and they are going again in a few months. flippin' do-gooders...but its definately something to look up to. the more i talk to people and get to know them and what their families are like, the more thankful i am for mine. there are so many messed up people in this world and i wouldnt trade a single thing for mine. i dont really complain about them, but when i do, i try and remember how good i have it compared to others.

my brother is in Europe for another week or so. He's in Venice right now and im so jealous. i absolutley loved Venice and i want to go back so bad. I miss him too. we dont talk much and we arent very close, but he is someone else i definately look up to. he's just...i dont know. he just always seems to be "doing the right thing" and is on track with his spiritual life and he's just someone i look up to.

i want it to be warmer.
i want it to be the week of february 20th.
i want it to be summer.
i want to be skinny.
i want to be happy.
i want to move out.
i want to be a rockstar.
i want to feel pretty.
i want to be loved by someone other than my family and friends.

i want.
i want.
i want.

but what do i need?
this is something i need to figure out.
and soon.

ode to...

Call up all your friends and tell them it can't end
You don't know what you'd do if you lost her
And lost me too
That's fine
That's good
That's nice
I understand the price
The cost of craving dark instead of light
I flip a coin to see if you still care tonight
My blood
My hand
My soul
I've thrown them onto you without control
The things I freely give you stole
And now I'm left in pieces
Oh it's all right
I know she needs you more than I do
And I wouldn't win this fight

tortoise

i'm going to get a tortoise. and name it charles.

new years

this new years = pretty much the best new years i have ever had. i hope what they say is true...the way your news years goes, is the way the rest of your year will be. then 2007 is going to be an amazing year. here are a few pictures....








models?


we were always on the dance floor. we were called "the dancing queens".



"youre my best friend! i love you!"

tattoo

i'm gonna hopefully add to my tattoo. i really want to, i'm just not sure if i'll have the money. jesssssssica is getting hers on the 14th for her bday and I am definately going with her, and i want to get mine too. I just don't know if i'll have the money.

but i do know what i want. under my tattoo's i currently have i want to add Bible references that represent the word i already have. Like this...




the first one is the one that will go underneath Hope on my right wrist. and the other 2 i have not decided which one i want to go underneath Love on my left wrist. of course i will only get the references and not the whole verse. and i'll either get them in a pretty cursive or a nice calligraphy.



if i dont get them on the 14th, i'll stil get them. maybe for my bday or something.

for the moment the "we" is reprieved

once again, Rachael Yamagata says it better than i can. everytime i listen to her, i find something else that i love. or something will happen in my life, and then i'll listen and i swear she just wrote that song for me. Or sometimes the song will mean one thing to me about a certain person but then later i'll listen again and the song fits for someone else as well. its pretty ridiculous but it makes me love her even more.

Like this song "Under My Skin", i used to think about this one boy and how i sometimes wish he could find someone else so i could move on easier. even though i dont completely want to move on. And now as i listened to it this afternoon, i thought about another boy that i consider one of my closest friends and recent events have somewhat led me to believe something else could happen....but there is someone else he's holding on to that i cant replace. I'd honestly rather have him be with her than have this "what if" feeling hanging over my head.

So here's the song that i can't get out of my head right now thinking of them. and in all honesty, you'll probably be seeing alot more of her lyrics in my blog because i can relate to just about every song of hers in one way or another.


Under My Skin
I hesitate to say I was bait for you
Could that be something that you all would do?
I'd be lying if I did now say I wasn't intrigued
But timing is everything here,
and for the moment the "we" is reprieved
But, as I watch the girl unfold before my eyes, I discover
That I like her

Would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance
And you should go

I'm in the dance, and it's a chance
But stay and watch awhile
I'll be singing a tune just for you with a smile
And maybe, if I'm lucky
You'll tip your hat to me, and you'll discover
That you like her

Would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And, deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance
And you should go

Crazy as it all plays out
I think I'm lonelier than I've ever been before
'Cause I was so close
To going through that door
But I don't want to be to blame for them
I don't want to be to blame

Oh, would you please get out from under my skin?
'Cause I can't begin this yet
And I don't know what my intentions are
They're speaking in a different tongue
And, deep inside, I'm not as tough as I seem
But I won't let you know
Until it's right, I'm gonna stay my distance, and you should go

Oh, would you please get out
I'm not as strong as I seem, but I won't let you know

in the beginning...

it seems these blogs are getting more and more popular. thats not why i am joining though. i like to write. i might not be good at it, but i like to do it. i dont even know if i'll tell anyone i started this and if i do, if anyone will read it and honestly i dont care. I tell my best friend everything so its not like i need something like this just to get things off my chest. but i like seeing things written down. i started a livejournal but i didnt like it. so we'll see how this works out.

i must warn you, some of these might be totally random, but thats me. its who i am and its what i do and i love it.

so thats the first post. more to come soon im sure.