let it die

recently i have been coming to my blog thinking i need to write something. but everytime i do, nothing happens. i have lots to say. lots. but for some reason, i dont wanna write it. i think its because some of the things i want to say, i have admitted them to myself and to others, but if i write it, its more official....no. i dont think thats it. its hard to explain. i just dont want to deal with "it" anymore. what i am "going through" has consumed my thougts for the past week and its tiring. i am worn out from worrying....not worrying, just thinking. and jumping to conclusions. and wondering. so i just dont want to deal with it anymore, but i know the only way it will end is for something to happen, and i cant do it. i cant give in to it. i dont want to give in to it. its not my responsibility. its yours. make it happen. do something. let me know.

"time passes by while i wait for your call. time passes by i hear nothing it all."

i am tired of waiting.
of wanting.
of wondering.
i am tired of falling asleep to thoughts of you.
of waking up and thinking of you.
i am tired of listening to depressing music to help me cope.
of watching sad movies to make me realize i dont have it that bad.
i am tired of crying.
not even crying.
"tears form behind my eyes, but i do not cry"
i am just tired.

i started this post off saying "i dont wanna write it". and look what happened. although, its a lot less than i wanted to write.

i hate being this depressing person. so no more. i am done. i am moving on. i am happy. my friends have made this summer so great. i am just going through a transitional phrase right now and its hard to deal, but i am learning how to deal...

"You have to learn to walk. You have to learn to talk. You have to wear that totally ridiculous hat your grandma bought you. You have no say in the matter. And when you get a little older, even though you get to choose your hats, you don't get to choose what they put in those meatballs in the cafeteria, or when to fall in love. Sometimes things happens and you just have to deal."



***if you are severely confused by this post, i am sorry. this was mainly just for me to write. if you wanna understand, get in touch with me and maybe i'll fill you in.