a new beginning

well i have been living in Los Angeles, CA for about 5 days now...and i couldnt be happier. I will admit, it was hard at first, but time heals all wounds and boy is that correct! i got to hang out with my cousins whom i havent seen in YEARS and it was so much fun. I hung out with my roommate one night, and hung out with some good friends who live in the area. its been really fun getting to hang out with people i love who i normally dont get to hang out with but now that we live closer, i will. of course i miss all my friends in san jose, but this change has been long overdue and its just been really good for me. i feel like i can totally start over and be whomever i want to be. i am not going to change for anyone, so dont worry about that. and i feel as though i am already really happy with who i am, but there are some things i would like to change and now i feel as though i can. i have grown acustom to a "i dont care what others think" complex and i really enjoy that. if people dont like me, thats their loss. and if someone wants to make fun of me for the way i am, let them. they obviously dont deserve to be my friend. i know what true friends are all about and i believe i can tell which ones are which.

i am blessed with awesome people in my life. even though many people are sad that i moved, they all know its for the best and that this is something i had to do. i know they are truly happy for me and i know i have their prayers and thats all that truly matters to me. so many people have told me how proud they are of me and that really means the world to me. it has been such a blessing to have so many awesome people in my life and i really couldnt be happier.

as of now, our lease is for 6 months and i kind of already have someone to move out with when this lease is up and i really hope it works out. i told people that in 6 months is when i will decide to stay or go back to san jose, but im not sure thats true anymore. my friend who lives here (he moved from NY) said it took him 2 years to realize he wanted to stay in LA. he even moved back to NY for about a month and thats when he realized he loved living in LA. the same could be true for me, but i dont know. we'll just have to wait and see. its only been 5 days but so far so good.

i have an interview at a nanny agency tomorrow morning and i am really excited and really praying that they can give me a job asap so i'll have an income quickly. but we'll see! it's all in God's hands and i know whatever happens, happens and its all part of His plan.

also i just found out there is a church that meets sunday nights right across the street from me so that would be super nice if its cool. i looked outside when i was here this sunday night and it seemed like there was alot of younger people so hopefully it'll work out. otherwise, i know of a few other churches i can look into.

well i guess that's all for now! i'm heading off to target with my roommates to buy some decorations for our apt so im excited to hang out with them

love
jess

Los Angeles, CA

well it's finally happening...i'm moving to Los Angeles!! i am very excited. i am not going to school, i am mot moving for friends (although, i am excited to be closer to some people), i am not going to be an actress...I am going because I want to. I have always loved LA and always wanted to live there, so i am doing it. who knows how long it will last, but i need to try it. and if i dont try it now, i dont know if i ever will. i will miss many many people in san jose, but i will keep in close contact. no worries.

anyways, moving day is september 21st and i couldnt be more excited. i am sharing the apartment with 4 other girls, yes 4. and they are all great girls and i cant wait to get to know them even more. it's 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1038 sqft.

here's a link to the apartment complex...
http://www.avaloncommunities.com/avaloncore/nfloor.asp?comm=297

and here are some pictures i took when i saw the place the other day.

view of the building from across the street


ours is on the 4th floor, right there in the middle


when you open the front door, this is what you see


take a few steps and turn around, here's the kitchen


living room/kitchen


when you walk in the front door, turn left, and there's the bathroom


pivot right, there's the tub and the hallway to my room



on the left side at the end of the hallway is my walk-in closet


my room


the balcony


standing on the balcony, look right and you see


look left and see


look straight and see (old theater and burger king)


stephanie, michelle, and britt's room (that's michelle in the picture)

crushes

anyone else see a theme?

let it die

recently i have been coming to my blog thinking i need to write something. but everytime i do, nothing happens. i have lots to say. lots. but for some reason, i dont wanna write it. i think its because some of the things i want to say, i have admitted them to myself and to others, but if i write it, its more official....no. i dont think thats it. its hard to explain. i just dont want to deal with "it" anymore. what i am "going through" has consumed my thougts for the past week and its tiring. i am worn out from worrying....not worrying, just thinking. and jumping to conclusions. and wondering. so i just dont want to deal with it anymore, but i know the only way it will end is for something to happen, and i cant do it. i cant give in to it. i dont want to give in to it. its not my responsibility. its yours. make it happen. do something. let me know.

"time passes by while i wait for your call. time passes by i hear nothing it all."

i am tired of waiting.
of wanting.
of wondering.
i am tired of falling asleep to thoughts of you.
of waking up and thinking of you.
i am tired of listening to depressing music to help me cope.
of watching sad movies to make me realize i dont have it that bad.
i am tired of crying.
not even crying.
"tears form behind my eyes, but i do not cry"
i am just tired.

i started this post off saying "i dont wanna write it". and look what happened. although, its a lot less than i wanted to write.

i hate being this depressing person. so no more. i am done. i am moving on. i am happy. my friends have made this summer so great. i am just going through a transitional phrase right now and its hard to deal, but i am learning how to deal...

"You have to learn to walk. You have to learn to talk. You have to wear that totally ridiculous hat your grandma bought you. You have no say in the matter. And when you get a little older, even though you get to choose your hats, you don't get to choose what they put in those meatballs in the cafeteria, or when to fall in love. Sometimes things happens and you just have to deal."



***if you are severely confused by this post, i am sorry. this was mainly just for me to write. if you wanna understand, get in touch with me and maybe i'll fill you in.

Top 5 Bands

My brother did a post with his top 5 favorite bands and told his friends to do the same. So i thought i'd give it a try. At first, i could really only think of 2. but then i started going through my music and realized i am going to have a harder time than i thought. And in most of these posts, i write something about their live show. thats because i really base a band by their live performances. if you cant capture a crowds attention and keep it, you have no reason to be on stage.

QUEEN
Of course my first always has been and always will be Queen. These guys are all pure geniuses and i wish Freddie Mercury was still alive so i could see him live. Yeah, they still tour but if i wanted to see Chuck Norris (apparently his stage name is Paul Rodgers) live, i'd just watch an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. ok, i admit it, he's a good singer. i just dont think anyone can ever replace Freddie Mercury. whatever. my opinion.




DEAR AND THE HEADLIGHTS
this band is brilliant. Lindsay introduced them to me in decmeber and their cd came out in february and i have not stopped listening since. When i first heard them i thought the music was so unique and brilliant. then i read the lyrics and was blown away by how amazing they were. it made me wanna be a writer. I am seeing them for the first time August 30th and i am more excited for this concert than i have been for any concert ever. seriously. no joke.



BUTCH WALKER
this man is pure genius. he has produced cds for some top selling artists and also has a solo career. some of the stuff he's produced (lindsay lohan), i'm not too sure about. but this man is so passionate about his music. i have seen him live 3 times and everytime i swear to you i almost cry because i can just feel everything he says. he is also one of the nicest guys ever and i am seeing him again in september and i think i might pee my pants.



DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE/THE POSTAL SERVICE
i put these 2 together because Ben Gibbard does them both and that man is great. i dont even really know what to say here. words arent coming to me to describe these bands. i saw DCFC a few years back and i was blown away by them.



RUFUS WAINWRIGHT
I'm not sure if i can write anything here that will really do him justice. i just love him. he's a genius. and after finding this video, i am thinking i need to break my bank account and go see him in concert next saturday. anyone wanna join?





well there's 5. but if it was my top 15 favorite, this would be the other 10.

The Format
The Rocket Summer
Ray Lamontagne
Feist
Rachael Yamagata
Ryan Adams
Damien Rice
A Fine Frenzy
Mates of State
and of course, Michael Jackson


YOUR TURN!!